In a couple of days I will stop blogging

It is because I am tired. So tired. My mobile internet credit is also running out. Its been over 2 years now. 2 years of thinking. 2 years of writing. 2 years of blogging.

This is not a suicide note nor a love letter. This is just my life and my thoughts. Forget about them, ignore them...or read them. Forget they were written by me if you know who wrote this blog. We wrote this blog.

This is just one person's journey. You can believe it or not. Think about your life and your thoughts if you see any value in what I've written and worked upon. You probably have more answers than me. I usually just have more questions.

Are we animals?

According to genetics yes. Most of our base code is the same as a worm or a fly. The other code is different but there are small differences.

Fundamentally though, according to genetics, we lots in common with insects and all forms of life.

We're just as intelligent too. Animals kill each other. Animals seek to find differences instead of commonality. I wonder if some animals even take their own lives.

I think the Thai's said it best. Same same, but different. The saying repeats the word same twice lest idiots like me forget the most important thing is that we're similar.

What did the romans ever do for us?

Are they the root of the illness in society...or does it go back further?

Hippocrates and galen are two of the two protodoctors I'm aware of. Galen invent a treatment for hysteria which eventually became the first vibrator. Hippocrates thought seizures could be used to treat mental illness...think it was malaria seizures or something (there was a lot of malaria around at the time...and then they cleared up the malaria problem in rome but doctors kept giving mentally ill people seizures even to this day). Spring waters were used to treat mania and it is thought it is because of the lithium content but the dose of lithium would have been tiny compared to the doses of lithium used by modern medicine.

But were these protodoctors the ones who medicaliised the human condition inappropriately and so now were left will an ill society and world. It wasn't kraeplin and his ilk who made the mistake which caused society's illness. It was the romans.

But perhaps it wasn't. Unfortuneatly my knowledge of history before the greeks and the romans ain't great.

Perhaps it was the sumerians who created mental illness. Think they're responsible for a lot of stuff. They made the earliest replicatable language device, by which I mean the earliest thing that was like what the printing press technology did. This is one of the most important technologies in science. Without at least basic standardised communication technology or language then there would be no science nor engineering nor anything else.

Perhaps I should learn more about the sumerians.

How many must die...

...before we learn to put down our weapons?

When is the moment when no gun is made because there is no market for guns going to happen?

When will the last war, the war for peace, be over?

What is wealth?

The richest person I know works at a mental health charity. She's worked there for years. See has an average salary in monetary terms. She's worked at the same organisation for a decade or two. She has enough for herself and she has a job which she enjoys doing. She doesn't have responsibility but for her own work. She never became a manager or plodded up the hierachy. She knows a lot of stuff and perhaps that's her wealth. Or perhaps her wealth is the wisdom not to pursue wealth.

I once pondered the question of what millionaires do after they've got a million pounds? I think they probably want to become billionaires. They see the value of their life as the numbers they have in the bank. They are smart too and work hard, but their poverty is lacking what my old colleagues had.

I'm thinking about this question because I need to get back to work. I mean paid, office work. I think my perfect job was what I used to do a couple of years ago. The money isn't important. The company's mission is.

But that means I need to go work in an investment bank. This may not make sense. City investment traders and entrepreneurs are some of the poorest people in the world. They believe money and comfort is true wealth.

I need to think about this more. I would trade what I love and what I want to do something I believe in. This is truly dumb.

I guess learning the lesson that the secret to being happy is realising you don't have to be happy is dumb. But I would sacrifice for the lives of the poorest and worst off in the world.

A poem that still makes me cry

Google the poem If by Rudyard Kipling.

Or read the work of Jeff Foster.

I need a break I think

I hope to stop blogging on the 4 of july. I need a break. I'm so tired. I'm not suicidal. Just exhausted. If it is in a psychiatric ward where I can get some rest then that's where I will go.

I can't even remember why I started this blog. I'm sure someone put the idea in my head.

I hope I've solved a couple of problems in the process. There's more work to be done but I feel a rest would be nice.

It is the british summer. It is short but that's why its so beautiful. Were it all year round then we'd never appreciate it. The miserable winter makes the short summer worth enjoying. Other countries have beautiful weather all year. Al murray (comedian who does the pub landlord sketches) makes a point about what the british weather does for britain but I'm too tired to finish this idea off.

You can finish this one off yourself.