When armageddon comes and the world is over there will be a long queue to get into heaven.
At the front of the queue there will be the jews. Then the other religions of the book (christianity and islam). Then come the heathen religions. I was born a hindu and they'd be one of those along with the buddhists, rastas and all the rest. Then come the atheists. Those who don't believe god exists.
Finally at the very end of the queue there are the agnostics. Because most of all, g*d loves faith.
He said really good stuff off the cuff. I suspect he also talked a lot of crap but history remembers only the good stuff and the stories get inflated over time. Without a photo of churchill people in a few hundred years might hear that he was ten foot tall and breathed fire.
He was just a crazy person but there at the right time. The prime minster before was soft and kind and gentle. He would have never allowed strategic bombing of german civilians. To many the very idea of killing civilians is disgusting.
Churchill was as much of a cunt as hitler. But without being a cunt the war would be lost. There would have been no dunkirk.
Perhaps that's why cannabis gives people the munchies? There is a system somewhere in the brain or as some part of the brain's psychology which realises the cannabis high means resources are low so more food is needed.
At any rate, a good bit of brain training can keep people slimmer...perhaps...
There is a desperate need for society to shift to healing the illness in society created by the inception of psychiatry.
But what would be the fucking point of another instution of people who think they're doing the right thing? That's the mistake all psychiatrists make.
The problem with institutions and organised systems and shit like that. Well that's also part of the illness in society.
It would make me very ill to see another edifice of professionals, in the conventional sense, who want to heal society. Sounds like a fucking song or something. Heal the world. Make it a better place. Can't remember what cunts came up with that. Probably the people behind Make Poverty History. Or band aid or live aid or whatever it was called.
I fear a profession of society doctors would be pious pricks. After all...how fucking great would it feel to feel like you were a doctor healing the ill in society? The only people mad enough to do that need to be like Atlas.
Atlas is the roman or greek god who carries the weight of the world on their shoulders. His back is arched over. It isn't about strength. I think its about the ability to handle the problem of ego.
I remember speaking to one doctor about what they enjoyed about their job. They told me it was about the power over life and death. This person wasn't a psychopath. He was a doctor and had the skills to be a surgeon.
I fear this is perhaps what's wrong with the medical profession. To do their jobs many of them had to stop caring for human life.
And that's the problem with this idea. To take on the burden of changing society is a frightening challenging...anyone who did it for a while would end up not caring for a single life so they are able to make real world decisions...or they'd bathe themselves in self glory for the good they do...or whatever else wrong.
In the end the new profession would be the seed of a new illness. It may be better than 2 centuries of psychiatry but there is a better idea. I still don't know what it is yet but if I stopped at the idea of society doctors then i'd just be another fucking psychiatrist instead of a drunken cunt.
But I should have realised. There are many, many words for cannabis. Skunk and cheese. Herb and leaf. Even food. I discovered this new word a few years ago when I lived in a poor area.
An eighth of an ounce was the standard measure and it used to cost 20 pounds but the cockney term was a henry, after henry the eighth.
There's having a spliff or getting leaned or bunning a joint or a million other words and phrases to name the experience.
Anyone who is a long term user or a dealer has to learn to know all the different words people in the uk use for cannabis.
I don't think normal people could handle the language of the cannabis shopping market but I've smoked cannabis almost every day since my first year at university about 15 years ago. I tried it a handful of times for 5 years before then. Approximately.
I've learned to cope with the language. If I meet a smoker they can use their vernacular and I can get it. Dealers are a different kettle of fish. I don't deal. Not now. I give cannabis freely and if anyone needs to buy some they buy it direct off the dealer or I give them what I have.
It must be confusing for dealers though. I think because I know my stuff the people running the street dealers think I'm a big dealer. I'm not. I campaign for people's rights and lives. I would give my all and my everything to make this world a bit better.
The cannabis industry is also protected by the drug because it can cause paranoia in some people. I bet paranoid people make good...well they probably do lots of stuff well because these labels are usually pointless...but paranoid people who can handle paranoia keep the industry safe from undercover police. It was paranoid people who did stuff like...the millenium bug thing...or...bring in laws for national security...laws which take away the rights of ordinary people.
....
My head is a mess. I'm not thinking straight at all. It isn't surprising. If you knew how exhausted and tired and if you knew all the things that have happened to me then you would know why I can barely write a coherent blog post.
My brain still has organic features which need to be taken care of. What I mean is my brain is like an electronic circuit. I have been burning the candle brigh. I have been burning the candle at both ends. I need food for electricity and with cannabis my brain is on overdrive. I've sort of overclocked my brain by using cannabis and its made me mad. (Overclock is an engineering term)
Used right cannabis can be used to enhance creativity. In the wrong hands it can fuck your life up. There is more to my life history than what's revealed on this blog.
I had to learn to cope. It's sort of like learning to surf in a tsunami. Only the crazy would do it. What cannabis abuse has done to my life would kill most people. But there are always surfers who'd want to surf in a tsunami.
What any nation has in the future as wealth is probably going to be human brain power. Currently this is still a privilege, not a right. This nation and other nations need well educated people. This is why we need free education for life.
There is a health economics argument too. I could guess that, in general, people with degrees are richer. I could guess that their children will often have degrees as well. Not always but I guess it is often this cycle of privilege repeats.
This creates the inequalities between rich and poor which contributes to the terrible statuistics about life expectancy. In general the poor die a lot sooner than the rich. I know the mentally ill die a lot earlier than the rest. This is the new reason why psychiatrists pathologise mental illness. They are playing the role of parents in a way but their patients are not their biological children. I would pathologise the government which took away free university education.
The problem is there's a recession on. The smart bankers have fucked it up again. Something must be cut because there's less money circulating. Fear of recession means people spend less and save more. This means less people are working. This means the government has less money so they have to cut spending somewhere.
The problem is knowing what's worth keeping and what's worth cutting. Disability benefits are effectively being cut and for many the stress of the transition will not be good. Many of those looked after by the welfare state are going to die earlier. That's what the eivdence says from studies of poverty and life expectancy.
The problem is any charity can use that argument to get what they need for the poor or disabled. They can block government decisions using the risk of death in the longer term as a reason to stop a decision.
The real problem is when people can't understand what the risk of death is from the decisions they make. The government clearly lacks capacity to make good decisions in the best interests of the people. They just make decisions and let the next lot fix their mistakes.
In a recession the whole economic thing is important but...well I think understanding what the true impact of a decision on the life of the people is also pretty fucking important too.
I should have written a letter to her. Instead I was probably displacing anger from a business deal gone bad. I drank several pints and spent the day at a protest. My favourite protest of the year. It was marred by abgry kids smashing up stuff. I went to look for their leaders but couldn't find them. I ended up in trafalgar square. I ranted at a police line. I don't remember how or why I got out at green park. Probably because I needed a piss. Then somehow I ended up at what I hoped would be a party. It was a bunch of protestors who had set up camp in a park near the palace. There waqs no beer there though. Having done all that on an empty stomach I finally managed to sleep. I think I mananged to sleep sitting up. Then I had breakfast and went home.
Would I do it again? I don't know. It was totally reckless and done on the spur of the moment. It was pure madness by any definition. I was incoherent and babbling nonsense.
I should probably write to her to say sorry. But then she'd know who I was. I was no one. Just a blogger. Just a drunk. Just mentally ill. And I couldn't take being thought of as a hero.
I was just angry and....I still have something
For all the science of mental illness the label is ultimately a judgement made by a person. I would guess the most common judgement in clinical practice is different to me.
But I'm not sure. Most doctors have a...well they have a divide between doctor and patient...they forget that doctors are human so if they're human, I.e. if they fell in love with someone who was a patient, then they could be struck off. But it is human to fail and it is human to fall in love with someone I shouldn't have.
It is the same for my old psychiatrist. He got struck off. I'm not sure he should have been. He might have lost everything in life. His dignity. His profession. His job. His reputation. Everything. All because he loved as a human being could. But a doctor shouldn't.
I hope he's ok. I hope he hasn't lost everything but...in a small way...I hope he has. That's sort of the first step to being a really good doctor when it comes to dealing with people. It's not about the degree or what can be learned from books. It is what can only be learned from life and living a full life.
Unfortunately the risk is death. That's the cost of a truly full life. If he committed suicide then that would be a bad thing. But going through all the failures and losing everything he valued...well....it's a good way to learn about people.
A person who's making a value judgement to use the label of mental illness has to know people. The current medical system prevents good doctors being made.
