bipolar is mood swings. That's all the know and understand. They have a
bit of fear put into them by the media but they never get to know
anything about severe mental illness.
A good friend of mine asked me to pass her some information on assisted
suicide. She knows I'm planning to kill myself and how I hope to do it.
She was hoping I could offer her some light too.
I said I wouldn't give her the information. I'd give her something else:
someone to talk to. If she wants to get the information she can find it
easily on the internet and her need to die probably wouldn't have been
accepted as suitable by the service I'm hoping to use.
People have all sorts of assumptions about what it's like to have
delusions but they have no idea. They can assume that it's just feeling
like their thoughts are being monitored. It can feel like they're
thoughts are being broadcast or that there are unusual thoughts being
put into their own stream of consciousness.
I fear this is all health services see as well. The see the delusions,
they see major tranquillisers as the solution and that's it. NICE's
guidelines for schizophrenia can suck on my chocolate salty balls for
this reason.
There is a huge amount of suffering which comes with delusions a person
doesn't want. Depression is a fucking walk in the park in comparison as
are other common mental disorders on their own. When the cause of common
mental disorder is the torturous experience of delusions in a world
which knows nothing else to do but label the person and tranquiise them
it is hell on earth.
I do not use the word torture lightly. It is apt for the experience. The
suffering is intense, there's no one to help a person understand it or
come to terms with it, there's no fucking support for them, there's just
medication. The internal consciousness shatters. The daily experience of
walking around outside one's home is a mishmash of strong perceptions
and emotions. Containing it all and presenting a semblance of sanity is
a tiring process which burns out people emotionally and physically. A
person's very reality shakes under the onslaught of the unusual
percpetions which aren't understandable.
She wanted to die because she couldn't take it any more. She has to live
with this wrecking her life. This effect is why the social disability of
schizophrenia and other severe mental illnesses is compared to cancer.
So having a common mental disorder and a severe mental illness is a hell
no one could even describe in words but no one would wish on their worst
enemy, not if they knew what it was actually like. I wish I could take
people into this world of pain. If they entered it just for a day then
they'd begin to understand what a lifetime of this experience is like
and why 10% of people with schizophrenia successfully take their life.
(The 5.6% estimate is a load of arse to me. The suicides in the early
stages still count for what is the pain of schizophrenia).
I doubt many mental health services are even equipped to treat this.
They're well equipped for standard depression and now they're very well
funded. This is nucking futs. Thankfully on the grapevine I hear that
the £173 million a year IAPT scheme might start opening up to help those
with the severest conditions. At the moment the We Need to Talk
coalition of organisations seemed happy enough to allow the scheme to
exclude those with the most severe conditions. So while cancer patients
get treatments which costs millions for a small number of people and
people with depression get treatment quickly my mate can't get the
fucking help she needs.
The reason? Because no one gives a shit about another dead schizophrenic
because none of the fuckers in commissioning or leading the UK's mental
health movement have any fucking idea of what it's really fucking like.
And that Layard prick can go fuck himself too. Fucking health economics.
"Keep the meat working" more like. Help those who are suffering. That's
what healthcare is meant to be about. Cunt.
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