Thoughts on psychosis

So I r just had a moment where my dad, unconsciously, scratched his armpit. I thought nothing of it but I thought to think about the moment.

In times when I've experienced psychosis that gesture could have been experienced differently. It could have been seen as a gesture that I was ape-like or a Neanderthal. The gesture I dismiss could have been experienced as though either my dad or my other entity through my dad's unconscious gesture was telling me I was ape-like.

This is about interpretation of unconscious actions perhaps. But it's not enough to dismiss it like that. The experience, were I experiencing psychosis in full flight, would be the gesture had significance and there was intent or communication behind it. It is experienced like this not interpreted consciously to mean something different. The experience is so rapid - during psychosis there is no conscious part of the thought process, it's in instantaneous experience to feel communication this way.

What a person does with it is important. Had I experienced the moment I describe when I was experiencing psychosis I can still develop coping mechanisms or ways to maintain a grip on external consensus reality. Whether consensus reality is the totally of reality or just a bit that's easily understood by everyone I still have to live in it. So during the acute phase I had to hold everything in. One part was developing a conscious process of weighing the realities and trying to do this with a scientific mind as well as an understanding of people. It would range from just being confident that though mind control was possible it was highly unlikely. Though experiencing my computer communicate it ways it couldn't or shouldn't I had to try to grip on to the fact that it may not be real because the majority of the my time with computers has been experienced the way other people experience them. These gestures which may mean nothing or have extreme significance. had to be lived with as a practicality as having little to no significance.

This doesn't mean the communication is dismissed though. Whatever was speaking, whatever I felt, has a purpose and reason. So in this instance I think I can interpret to mean I'm ape-like. I'm backward, I'm dishevelled, uncivilised, perhaps even a child though i think the communication was more about an evolutionary throwback rather than a childish manner. I can take that on board. I know I'm like that it many ways. Some of my views on mental health my be from the Stone Age. Sone of my thinking is possibly that backward as well. What Ido with this information is the next question.