I know I'm hypomanic because my love life is a bit better

Its' funny. I've had to develop lots of personal measures to notice
changes in mood. One of them is my sleep pattern. Anything less than 6
hours a day for a prolonged period is a warning sign.

Another one is my love life. Usually it's fairly desolate unless I'm in
a high state. In depression I'm alone. In depression I don't hold my
head up high. I don't talk much. I don't express in the way I do when
I'm in a high state. I don't take care of my appearance. I don't shower.

I need to recognise these things because I self-manage my condition and
have been for many years. The hypomania has come at a useful time where
I need to do a lot of work and in previous hypomanic times I've managed
to do an inordinate amount of work and still party hard.

And the moment I think exhaustion is keeping me off any major problems.
I think the alcohol is also helping. I'm used to the alcohol depression
when I'm depressed. I know where it comes from. Now I'm a bit higher the
alcohol is acting as an anti-mania drug.

It's very hard to live like this but it's a bit like surfing. I can only
learn to ride the wave, as I've done before, by taking this risk. I may
crash but that's how people learn and I've learned a lot. Most people
never get the opportunity to surf a big wave. They live their lives by
the shore.

The wave of mania can be electric. It can be very useful in certain
roles and industries too. My fear is the crash. Or even worse, societies
punishments for different behaviour and emotional experience.