A crystalising moment and why I am we

I just emailed a friend of mine. She's an old uni friend and very dear to me.

I'm not sure if she knows about this blog or not. Its surprising. She's one of my closest comrades.

Anyway, I've been reflecting on what I've been writing.

Basically my background is science and engineering. I have no higher level education is social science or disability other than what I've picked up as I went along.

A few years ago it became something I sepnt time trying to understand as part of my job role.

Since I left that environment I've not stopped learning. I reflected a little today on my rants. At least what I could remember.

I drink a lot and smoke a reasonable amount of cannabis. Most of this blog is written stoned or drunk or both.

Anyway, when I think about concepts I think I still have the engineer's dogma at heart. The worst possible solution which just meets the specification. The idea of an engineering specification is about writing stuff down. Everything. Every little detail specified for which the engineer has to find a solution. But the final solution and the winning contract is the pragmatic one. Often the cheapest but that's not a requirement.

I also have the enginners mentality to see quantitatively. I want numbers and measures, ultimately, because this was all I knew of science. My arrogance is to believe - because it is not a truth, yet - that the paradigm of positivitic science can be applied to the human condition. It must be applied scientifically though, not as a way to enforce social and cultural prejudice using the paradigm of difference as illness.

Anyway...the crystalising moment was about my poor understanding of disability. Honestly. I have no formal education. I am from a science, not humanities or other background. In fact my degree is in electronic engineering. A deeply pragmatic and scientific artform.

In short I think I may cheayt or be stupid. It was not my intention. I use a broad definition of disability with the purpose of using disability as a way to enforce or explain the move towards human equality.

Social disability means many things which sciencey people and doctors and campaigners know well. I don't, apart from my lived experience. Got a fucking phd from the university of life.

Much of my use of the concepts of disability have been weak and perhaps overly positivistic. However my significant error. My bias. One that I didn't even realise until my communque to my friend today.

My bias is equality. My dogma. My religion. Whatever. My failure in this is the failure of bias and preconcieved positions or expectations. The antithesis of good, practical and idealistic science. Bias is bad.

It means my analysis may not be correct. I may have failed to seek the best truth.

I'm not a philosopher. I'm an engineer. Sometimes I fail. But that failure is bad.

The thing about the religion of science. It's about the pursuit of the absolute truth. Lifetimes may be given to the cathedrals of 'a little bit closer to the absolute scientific truth' but the sacrifice is worth it for those who chose to make it.

My bias has been to see the science of disability as purely serving the goals of equality. That's some dumb shit but I'm still learning.