Friday, 3 June 2011

Understanding psychosis

In truth there is little understanding. There are many viewpoints though and I have my own.

The biomedical idea is it is a malignant experience caused by a malfunctioning brain. This idea waning. Even NICE have admitted the biopsychosocial model has most relevance with schizophrenia. They've not yet considered adding the spirituo- prefix.

It is this aspect where there is a signficantly different viewpoint. This viewpoint is many but as a category I would call it the alternative view. Broadly it means the experience has significance of some form. Religious context or setting is still an exclusion criteria in dsm's schizophrenia diagnosis.

Not everyones psychosis is the same. Not every time for the same people either.

My first real experience of psychiatric psychosis landed me in a ward. I was hypermanic with paranoid features but hid the other element fairly well. I thought my thoughts could be read and I saw auras. This was not an unpleasant experience. It became moreso though. I thought my life was being controlled by a secret organisation. I felt I was in contact with aliens. I spoke to god. These very different experiences happened within the space of a few scant months after which I dipped low and into psychiatric care.

I was treated back then and very unhappy because of the treatment. High dose polypharmacy does that.

Another time was a few years ago. It was more...negative back then. I remember it clearer though. Hell on earth does not describe the experience. Torment and torture of human making are like a relaxing holiday in comparison.

I struggled and survived untreated for a few months. Few would believe the intensity when I tell them I managed to work during this period. It was very intense but I was strong enough to survive and to work in a corporate environment, albiet an unusual one (a mental health charity).

Fuck it. I can't be arsed writing any more on this post.

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We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"