It is a horrible one.
I want a legal assisted death and I have to campaign for it or lobby or do whatever it takes though ultimately I may take my life without it.
I'm ahead of the times in this respect but I know assisted suicide will be legalised.
My plan involves 4 years between decision to die and termination. This circumvents any question of capacity. Anything can happen in 4 years. During the 4 years I have to seek solutions and strive to not want to take my life.
This is the sickness of the plan and why I hate it. 4 years is too long. Having to fight this every day when I have the capacity to understand my decision now is a terrible curse.
I am open about it enough for me to risk psychiatric imprisonment in a couple of years solely on the risk of me taking my life. This is more of the shit which makes me want to die.
It is a plan I would not foist on anyone who wants to die. 4 years more of life is shit beyond shit when a person just wants to die. I know this too well. The problem is we live in a time where people do not have the compassion to end a life, only drag out the pain eternally. I also have enough understanding of life to know things can change and suicidality can go into spontaneous remission...as easily as I can decide one day that I want to kill myself and do something about it rather than have true compassion shown by someone who would end my life for me.
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