But I still want to die, to end this lifetime.
Yes. I'm sure things can get better but worse is all there feels like. The evidence is things do get worrse and a lot worse. Here in my room trapped in the prison of poverty and feeling - rightly or wrongly - that there is no way out.
These may be false expectations of life - that life is anything but misery and false smiles. Fuck. So long since I have felt genuinely good. I can almost not remember.
Maybe that's why I want to die. So long is it since I've felt genuinely good about life or me or whatever.
Oh..but it isn't depression I'm going through. Only a doctor can tell me I'm miserable.
I get left to struggle on till I succeed in my only hope. Death.
Sent from my smartphone
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