Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Tonight I feel less suicidal

But I still want to die, to end this lifetime.

Yes. I'm sure things can get better but worse is all there feels like. The evidence is things do get worrse and a lot worse. Here in my room trapped in the prison of poverty and feeling - rightly or wrongly - that there is no way out.

These may be false expectations of life - that life is anything but misery and false smiles. Fuck. So long since I have felt genuinely good. I can almost not remember.

Maybe that's why I want to die. So long is it since I've felt genuinely good about life or me or whatever.

Oh..but it isn't depression I'm going through. Only a doctor can tell me I'm miserable.

I get left to struggle on till I succeed in my only hope. Death.

Sent from my smartphone

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We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"