What the fuck is wrong with me?

I've just written an email to cancel what I was going to do tonight. It
was a talk at the RSA about a fair society.

I'd really like to be there. It's the sort of thing I'm very close to.
The journey to London just seems so far. I'm still in my pjyamas and
can't be arsed to don the smart mask for today. I'd really like to be
there as an active participant in the debate.

And I could make it. That's the sad thing. I could have a shower and
summon up the energy to get out the house. I'll probably end up doing it
anyway doing my sad loser thing. I'll probably go for a long walk around
my area and get drunk on my own. Another boring end to another boring
day. Yesterday was fun thankfully.

I wish I had the energy to be there at that debate. I really hate
feeling like this at times and being like this. Such is this life. Thank
fuck for ways to escape it. Booze and drugs were invented for the
self-medicator.