a person who knows god exists and hates god. In fact it's a bit more
complex than that. Ultimnately god just is. Value judgements are what
humans place upon it. Regardless of this I am happy to be an antitheist
today.
About 5 months ago I started working back at a company a friend of mine
owns. It isn't doing what I want to do with my life but it pays better.
The job is an unusual one. It had its perks,. I could work wherever and
whenever as long as I got the job done. It's hard to say whether I got
the job done or not. My work is incomplete but it's just little things
left to finish off.
I have worked hard. I hate working full time but I did it. Full time
meant more than 35 hours a week. I have to know my stuff so I went deep
into the area where I was working. I read far and wide. I thought a lot
and I think that's where my greatest value is outside mental health. I
did a unique job and I think I did it well. I worked very hard. I have
up a lot. All so I could do well at this job.
I had a mental block on getting an invoice done. These happen to me. I
can't control them.. Thankfully I got over this one. I managed to get an
invoice in about a month or so ago.
It turns out I may not get paid now. All that work and sacrifice is for
nothing. I've worked doing a job I don't like to get lots of money for
one reason. I want to start my own charity and the money from my job
would have funded it. I was working as hard as any other corporate
tosser making money for the man but not to improve my worldly wealth and
possession. I was doing it to start a fucking charity.
Now I'm virtually penniless. I've switched into a self-destructive cycle
because of the stress. The faint light at the end of the long dark
tunnel of the last few months has turned out to be a false hope. As has
my other hope. Dignitas.
If I believed in god then this would be a dark day. It is anyway. But
antitheism offers a great answer to my pain. And I can drink...for today
at least.
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