Monday, 25 April 2011

Love, prayer and willingness to accept suffering so another would be spared

About a year or so ago I prayed for someone who didn't love me. I hoped she would have a life unlike mine. I hoped for her and prayed for her. I loved her and I told my god, the god I hate, I would suffer to relieve her pain.

Is that not insane romantic love? The sort of thing people write about with passion in their hearts and deep sorrow in their minds.

Love is telling someone to stay with their partner and making them think it was all about sex so she would be protected, safe and happy. Its insane love of course. Others in my situation would have just taken what they wanted. I wanted her so much but I loved her.

Most of all...I had to protect her from a life with me.

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We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"