Thursday, 4 November 2010

Another mistake

I think I'm fucking losing it. My mind is going.

I reread the paper I tonight I got the SMR for the UK, Norway, Finlasnd
and stuff. Maybe it was a different paper but I don't think so. trhis wa
the paper I read when I smashed my laptop.

I have to fix this. I don't know what's going on. I'm making fucking
stupid mistakes.Maybe I've always been like this.

Thrre's something inside me that's breaking at the moment. These details
matter. I'm wondering if I'm having hallucinations but information
hallucinations. I remember thinking I read the date on a psychiatric
appointment last year but I got in wrong. In my mind I read it right but
I got it wrong. now this and the other mistakes.

This is ruining my reputation. It's ruining my belief in me. All I have
is this dumb brain of mine. I read all this stuff but if it's not
remembered then there's litle point.

Pickling my brain with alcohol isn't helping but that's what I'm going
to do and have to do.

It's the first time Ive thought of cutting myself, and only briefly, for
a reason other than the entities control over me for many, many years.

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About Me

We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"