Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Emotions and ration

I don't remember what I was angry about last night. It's either being
excluded by people who used to treat me like a friend but now don't or
it's the fact that an organisation I used to love promotes gender prejudice.

I thought I'd forgiven the organisation for promoting gender prejudice.
After all, I was part of it. I bit my tongue and held firm to the party
line in all my professional work and let the pain just eat me up inside.

It's the same for the friends. I understand that people are prejudiced
against the symptoms of mental ill health. When I was hypomanic I was
everyone's friend. When I was well I was good company and a cheery soul.
But in my dark times I can be a total fucking cunt. It's reasonable for
people to exclude me. It's the very reason the mental health system
exists. Mental healthcare can change me and my personality so people
won't exclude me. It can make me docile and compliant.

But what was going on last night such that I felt like putting this out
on my Facebook profile. Normally the ranting stays on here and the
façade of civility is maintained.

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About Me

We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"