they'd think differently about me?
UI try my best to not reveal my deathwish. I think it's changed me
though. It occasionally leaks out but I don't think anyone really
understands. In a sense I don't either. It's strange that I'm feeling ok
now but I want to die. Actually, it's not that strange. It's just a
desire irrespective of my mood or situation.
I suppose the problem of someone knowing is there's no way for them to
react unless they know anything about suicide. Those who know about
suicide from books don't know anything. There's no easy dialogue nor
common experience to share with most people. What's perhaps hardest for
most people is matching my desire to die with my external character.
People expect suicidal people to be obviously depressed.
I think perhaps there's a more interesting thought. What if other people
out there hae to live like I do. It is a rare form of suffering which
words like "hell" are not adequate in describing.
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