Saturday 28 January 2012

Self medication is a tricky thing

I enjoyed alcohol and cannabis. They used to bring me pleasure. I didn't consume to excess on a daily basis and at the weekend alcohol was an important part of unwinding and fun and social contact.

Then I went down the slippery path of self medication. This is where use turns into something which is not so pleasant. It becomes about escape. It is a form of abuse of recreational drugs when they become medication but they're also good as medication.

I hit a bad patch last October and switched to drinking 1 or 2 bottles of wine a day. This helped and I stepped down to 1 bottle during November.

This regular level of drinking is what some people do. It helps them survive a shitty life. The problem is the switch between recreation and medication, and there is the core problem of the shitty life which many addicts - self medication or substance misusers - want to escape.

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We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"