First and foremost, people are born with the right to take their life.
This is not enshrined in law but suicide is no longer criminalised. In practice those who assist others in their death, for example compassionate doctors who secretly and regularly terminate the lives of those already close to death, are rarely if ever prosecuted.
Few outside the medical profession understand that doctors do illegal things like killing patients who have terminal illnesses. It is rarely spoken about and doctors know how to administer death in such a way that it looks like an accident or is undetectable.
Switzerland leads the way in the legalised method of assisted suicide. The country recognises people have the capacity to make a decision to have their life taken and they have compassionate medical professionals who are willing to help those who others won't help.
I want this help. I want to die. I am sick of life. This is a crescendo which has quickened to the state where I pray for death almost every night and those nights I don't aren't because I'm happy nor want to live the next day.
If someone said they would kill me today I would thank them and give them everything I have - which isn't much - to do it. Even if I had a lot I would give it so someone would be decent enough to kill me.
I am aware that suicide is one of the symptoms of mental illness but this doesn't meant I don't have the capacity to understand my decision. In fact I am now in reciept of treatment but nothing takes away my desire to die.
If nothing takes away this desire and desperate need for my life to end then what do I have left? Am I to live a living hell until I kill myself? To last day after day hoping one of my organs fails and I never wake?
No. Not I. Not anyone. No one but those who have to live this hell of wanting to die can know just how bad it can be. Some might disagree with me about my desire for a legal assisted suicide but it is a difference of opinion and not a fact.
The fact is there is no legal assisted suicide for the mentally ill or for anyone without a terminal illness. It leaves me trapped on the mortal plane which I no longer want. I want to die so much and so often. I don't want to follow through my plan. I don't want to wait nor show I've tried nor show my understanding that things can get better and to wait for it.
I want death. I no longer want to live. I am so tired of this shit of a life. No one can help and all the system wants to do is imprison me in a psychiatric ward or leave me without therapy when I fucking asked for help with suicide 2 fucking years ago.
The problem is there is no help. No drugs. No therapy on the NHS or otherwise. I had a plan but I just want to give up. My plan was the worst plan. It was left for me to suffer for 4 years but it was with the hope of termination at the end. Even this seems hopeless and my situation now is shit and I've fucking had enough of all of this.
Fuck this. I need a drink. And probably a shot...to the head.
Sent from my smartphone
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