quasi-insightful part of me, is the willingness to be looked at upon
like a shit. It's not just family and society. I remember when I was
very young - at junior school and stuff - and played kiss chase with
people. I was never attracted to men then but I had no problem with
people assuming my sexuality incorrectly. Nowadays I'm safely able to be
attracted to men without any of the anxiety or distress of worrying what
people would label me.
I've not yet managed to get over my internal prejudices and conditioning
to have sex with a man, let alone kiss one. I've not wanted to penetrate
a man nor have I wanted to be penetrated. I've wanted to kiss men I've
met and I've grown to not fear of that internal feeling but I've been a
pathetic loser in never acting upon it. This feeling hasn't been a
burning desire to kiss a man, just a feeling. There's part of me that
doesn't want to hurt the kissee but the majority of it is being in me
being stuck in my comfort zone.
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