Monday 6 December 2010

Go on. You can finish this one of yourself

This is probably the worst thing to say to a woman in bed. I've only said it once.
Oh god she deserved it though. I remember just getting so bored of her  poor sexual skills. I'm not great in bed myself. Just not enough practice. But I make an effort and I always want a woman to climax. She on the other hand was...well....lazy. Never made the effort. I think she thought sex was just fucking or something. Her idea of foreplay was what a man did.

I admit a degree of anger but more frustration. I suppose it's just a lack of my communication skills.

But I wonder what she told other people? I wonder if she told any of her female friends about what I'd said. I never told her she was crap in bed so she'd have thought "Go on. Finish yourself of" was said out of male
 laziness or something.

There's a time when a girl I loved who was a friend of hers looked at me awry when I made a joke along the lines of "Go on. You can finish this one off yourself" referring to a joke I couldn't be bothered finishing. Now she may have looked at me funny because she was amused by an off the cuff comment that made innuendo out of a normal phrase that could be mentioned in the office, or perhaps my ex-loved one had told this person what I'd said.

There's this thing called Theory of the Mind. It's interpretation of people's intentions often based on little gestures. Apparently schizophrenics have poor ToM. I stay away from attempting to interpret these little tells because they're not explicit. I'd like to ask the person I joked with but whose reaction to the joke I couldn't interpret but I don't trust her and she doesn't value me.

It's a shame because I'd like to know. Really just for a blog piece about a "How good are you in bed?" mobile phone application of the future. It's relevant because gossip becomes formalised using this sort
 of application. Imagine people could rate their partners and other people could access these. After all, we can rate companies and products. Why not public ratings of people once the technology matures?
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3 comments:

  1. Anonymous7 December 2010 at 22:48

    Why is that the worst thing to say to a woman? Seems a perfectly reasonable suggestion to me.

    Besides - it's more fun with an audience... ;-p

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  2. we10 December 2010 at 14:43

    You're far, far more liberated than most Rubyintheboudoir. So many women are still trapped in prudish Victorian sexual values. The seem to have ignored the huge sexual liberation movement in the 1970s.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11 December 2010 at 10:29

    That may be true, but sometimes I wonder if the sexual liberation movement didn't create its own pressure. From a time when sex was saved for marriage and nice girls simply didn't talk about that 'kind of thing', suddenly women were expected to be sexually adventurous, multi-orgasmic and ultra-liberated and if you didn't espouse to the women's glossy magazine ideal of Having The Perfect Orgasm, you risked being labelled frigid or a prude. Sex just became another commodity, another lifestyle aspiration, much as home improvement and cooking is today. As Victoria Wood once joked 'Cosmopolitan shows you how to have an orgasm, Good Housekeeping shows you how to knit one.'

    It's what I call 'the tyranny of the orgasm' - just because you can have one doesn't mean you must claim your right to it every single time. The pressure that this creates for both women and men is immense. For me, true sexual liberation can only occur when everyone takes personal responsibility for their own sexual experience, their own satisfaction, their own sexuality and their expression of it. When men and women remove the end-goal of orgasm, we are liberated to find multiple expressions of pleasure and ecstasy. What's more important - having an orgasm or having the most delicious, erotic and enjoyable time possible? Let's not forget - sex is not supposed to be hard work, something to strive for. It's meant to be bloody good fun.

    Oh yes - and nothing wrong with a bit of Victorian repression now and then. Nothing is as likely to guarantee an orgasm as being told you can't have one. Now - where's that chastity belt..?

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We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"