Unshared perceptions update

So I've not smoked skunk in a while. I'm not eating, unhappy, no fun, work al the time and am probably depressed.

I feel like people who couldn't know know I'm suicidal. How? I don't know. It doesn't make sense.

I feel like my electronic life is manipulated. Its making me unhappy rather than angry so the docility is effectively what antipsychotics do. This isn't all paranoia. A severe trigger is what happened through facebook several months ago. There have been other improbable to the point of impossible things happen like access to a paper which became paywalled.

I wonder if people are sick enough to torture me like this. I try to remind myself of Hanlons Razor. Think stupidity before malice. Its so common.

My anonymous blog has been discovvered by my employer. Its unfortunate but I refuse to stop posting honesty, angry, weird, scary posts.

I'm concerned that people have been sent into my life as a setup. For example the therapist I met in the pub. Id not seen him there before but he's a regular. Apparently. I may have missed him as a regular because I don't check every individual who goes in there.

There was the situation in the local supermarket which I intervened in. A guy seemed like he was having a bad day, was angry, depressed and lashed out at someone physically. I still wonder if it was a setup.

There was another time I stepped in when a customer was angry at a cashier in another supermarket. I jsut said a few words. That felt like a setup from god because my bladder made me have to curtail my shopping trip then the urge to pee subsided just before this incident.

The time I intervened in a fight, a heroes moment for anyone if I had any interest in being a hero, felt unusual too but that was too hard to setup.

I'm always calculating what's real,what might not be and what might be real but is unusual. I end up socially blunted because I can't infer from tells other people can use. I can't understand people so I give the benefit of the doubt.

The hardest things are relationships. Both friendships and love. I feel like I'm calculating so much to know what is real, what is delusion and what is the influence of my entity.

The song which sang itself to me has been half right but I can barely understand these metaphors. It has been a cold, lonely summer and the letter sealed with a kiss may be one of my belles. But its not so easy for me to believe any of that is true.

The tube system is fucking with me perhaps too.