Wednesday 24 November 2010

Blogging, bipolar and self management

It's hard to work with a bipolar condition. By bipolar I mean changes in
mood and productivity (in this example). The example I could use is the
guy who invented the Lightbox. He was the best salesperson in summer but
was on the edge of losing his job in winter.

At the moment I'm in a mixed manic state, i.e. I have energy and ideas
but also have facets of depression.

At the moment I'm blogging a lot on Articulated Naturality. Lots of
ideas. Lots of posts. They're in preparation for a proper blog. I'm
using up my creative energy and higher productivity and I'm sure at some
point my mood will crash. The posts I've written in this period are
preparation for when I crash. As my energy and motivation slips I'll be
able to criticise and rewrite the posts. The creativity won't be as
high in the low period nor will I have as much energy but I can keep a
degree of productivity.

I have needed to have this longer term thinking about my productivity
because I have to self-manage a condition that would get most people
hospitalised and tear their life apart. I know it's dangerous to ride
the wave of hypomania but I'm getting ever more capable. It's necessary
to know that at some point I'll either go too high (my greatest fear
because losing insight means losing the battle to self-manage) or, more
likely, I'll burn out or just crash into a low (either slowly or rapidly).

These variations are hard in a construct of work place productivity
where automoton robotic productivity is expected. Employers want to take
advantage of the mania but they don't want the lowered productivity of
depression or the necessary rest period that comes with it. They often
prefer people who just perform adequately but at a stable level rather
than people who have bursts of productivity where they excel above
automoton levels of performance then periods of intense low where they
can barely be bothered to get out of bed.

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About Me

We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"