I wish...

....I did have a pistol. I would be so much easier. Not a day goes past
I don't want to end it. The best thing so far is finding out the Swiss
allow for assisted suicide for whatever reason. I hate living. This is
the truth behind the lie of the outside veneer of joviality and vacuous
boyishness. Another day of this life is worse than death. Now I have
that hope that I can kill myself quietly and peacefully I can get on
with attempting to fill the days till I get that sorted. I still want to
put my life to something useful but I know that won't stop me killing
myself. There is no date. There is no plan. I am doing less about
killing myself now I know there's a simple way to do it, one where
there's no chance of failing and ending up sectioned.

I just wish I didn't have to exist for another second. It's a shame I
never get the things I wish for. At least there's hope for a peaceful death.