ill. I mean the really mentally ill: the truly unwanted.
I remember an evening that was quite telling. I got drunk with someone
who's fairly senior at one of the major mental health charities. He has
a diagnosis but a common mental health disorder. These are the sort of
disorders with limited levels of disability. Not something that anyone
would consider a 'real' psychiatric diagnosis.
We were speaking about the Cumbrian murders. A man went on a rampage and
killed several people. I have my head in research papers so hadn't head
the story. He explained what happened and it sounded awful. This guy had
bottled up his feelings, probably not hit the bottle enough and snapped
one day. He went on a killing rampage a bit like the main character in
the film Falling Down.
I asked him is the murder was a psycho. He answered rather angrily that
of course it was a psycho. I was saddened to hear it. They get really
bad stigma. But then he stopped himself when he realised just what he
said. He asked me what I meant?
I'd used the term as an abbreviation for psychopathy and I explained
that the modern term was anti-social personality disorder. I steered
away from the complexities which I knew (everyone who was a psychopath
would get a diagnosis of ASPD whereas not everyone with ASPD would be
considered a psychopath, if memory serves me right).
He;d used the term in the public stigma sense. After I'd explained that
I used it in the technical sense he told me the Cumbrian murderer didn't
have a pre-existing diagnosis.
I use terms like "mad", "crazy", "insane", "mental" and others. This
used to annoy people because they aren't politically correct. I'm sure
many people thought I was prejudiced but in fact I'm the opposite (apart
from to myself). I use those terms because I have no fear of them. They
aren't usually pejorative. I can say "good insanity" though to many
that would seem like an oxymoron. It's because I've lived with severe
mental illness for many years and untreated severe mental illness for
the last four. Anyone can use those words in my company without fear of
me being a dick about it because I care about concepts more than
language. In fact I'm prejudiced towards the mentally ill however that
prejudice is just as ignorant and stupid as the prejudice against us.
He'd used the term in the stigmatic sense and the public stigmatic
sense. The word psycho has become synonymous will irrational killers.
film's like Natural Born Killers reinforce this stereotype. But the
Cumbrian murder wasn't a psychopath like in those films. He was just a
human being who'd been through too much and snapped. I think if he'd
sought help or got drunk and got it off his chest he might not have
killed all those people. He might have got a diagnosis of something
along the lines of Intermittent Explosive Disorder but I don't think he
would have gotten that either. I don't know enough about the poor man's
personality to label him. Don't care really. I wish he hadn't killed all
those people. I wish life hadn't shat on him so much.
I can bet that this middle-grade manager at a mental health charity had
no compassion or understanding whatsoever. I don't blame him. He is
ignorant of what mental health means and ultimately he lacks compassion
for his fellow human in general. It's whatever abuse and horrors that
have happened to him that made him how he is. Or perhaps it's a total
lack of those horrors? He'd never been in a children's home or foster
home. He'd never been in a psychiatric ward or jail cell. He'd lived a
sheltered live within his own prejudice-making culture whereas I'd
learned in a different environment. Had things been different I'd
probably have a similar stigmatic attitude but I suppose I'm glad for
all the shit I've been through because it changed my attitude to people
enough such that I say the word psycho with pride and positivity or as
an abbreviation of psychopath.
At the end the day he can hide his attitude and for many professional
organisations that's what's important. Dishonesty inside veiled beneath
a mask of social adequacy and fitting in with the surrounds when all
that he is thinking inside when he meeds a person afflicted with
antisocial personality disorder is "psycho!" or even a person with a
person who doesn't have that diagnosis he's still happy to think inside
his head "psycho!".
Changing these attitudes is where social contact theory comes in. It's
only be familiarisation with psychos that he'll understand his
prejudiced internal values are wrong. His internal ignorance will be
informed by his personal experience rather than whatever media or other
indirect forms of information he's used to come up with his internal
definition of the word.
I've always wondered if he thought I was a psycho? I've never had the
diagnosis but I'm pretty crazy. The things I've done to myself in my bad
patches make me a total psycho (used in the ignorant stigmatic sense
rather than the precise way I normally use the term). My arm of scars is
a reminder of how weird I am, but it is also a reminder of one of the
darkest periods in my life. I always self-harm in my dark times. Even
the most compassionate and kind people still are repulsed by the arm of
scars. It's not like many other people's self-harm scars which are small
and dainty and often precisely cut. I have laceration upon laceration
with no organisation or ritual. I have gashes which are an inch long and
half an inch wide. I have cigar burns from 10 years ago (done for
reasons other than coping through psychosis). I have to live with those
for the rest of my life always covered by a long sleeved top. My secret
burden that few ever find out about apart from readers of this blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment