Why I believe there may be an alternative to hospitalisation and medication for psychosis

I can always look back to the days when I thought my life was controlled
by an unseen, noncorporeal entity or force and it's useful to remember.
I can't remember the pain itself but I have the impression of the agony
that no one could understand. I was in pain and I was being controlled
by this force. I had a feeling of totally powerless as even my volition
itself was controlled. My thoughts, my actions, my behvaiours, my
everything inside and outside my skin was controllable by this force or
entity. I couldn't talk to anyone about it while I went through it for
fear of what medical services would do to me, and there were times where
they were part of the delusion and the terror.

If you know that place then you'll understand why anyone would want to
die. This part of psychosis is torture. Peace was all I wanted.

I managed to make it to my job during this period though had a high
number of sick days and was working far below my capability. I fought
the disturbing thoughts and forces to get to work. I'd have to fight an
internal battle with a mix of realities and a psyche that was
continually being hammered by influences and thoughts and impressions.
There were times when my colleagues were part of the delusion and where
I thought they were causing it. My computer would 'talk' to me (certain
words or parts of words would be highlighted as I read them to give
meaning outside the information given or the sense of the words would
feel like they were all about me when they weren't). Unusual events had
high significance. It got to the point where I couldn't understand what
people were saying because the communication or influence of the other
consciousness overpowered my capability to grip on to the old reality
that I had to use to function. All I could do was withdraw at that time
to minimise damage from spurious or aggressive behaviour. There was also
a feeling like I wasn't in control of my behaviour but I suffered the
consequences, like "I" was a passenger without control of my mind, body
or actions at times.

I still feel the power of this force but I am powerless. It does not
make me suffer like in those days. We are at a strange peace and have
been for a long time. During that period of intense unshared perceptions
and a shifted state of consciousness all I wanted was to die. The
overwhelming suffering and intense ...rending asunder of ego and reality
and trust and everything that I'd know was true...is a pain I still
don't have the ability to communicate.

The worst part was that I couldn't bring myself to kill myself. I tried
in different ways. I used it as a way to fight for control over this
other consciousness or force. It took everything from me. More than
other people lose when they go through a life crisis. "I" was me.

I think if I'd seen mental health services I'd have been sectioned,
drugged up and given a diagnosis of schizophrenia. Instead I went to
work and survived the intense distress in my spare time.