Sunday, 3 October 2010

Wards make people more ill

I met someone last night who I hadn't seen since I was in a psychiatric
ward with him 4 years ago. I was in there as a voluntary patient after a
failed suicide attempt (pills). I'm not sure what he was in there for.

When he was there there'd been an incident. It was one of these
situations that happens when lots of really unwell people are stuck
together in a cramped psychiatric ward. Someone had been playing music
at 4am in the morning in the room he shared with 3 other people. Someone
had punched someone, so they punched someone else. One thing lead to
another. There was no staff intervention and eventually the situation
spiralled.

It ended up with this person getting pretty agitated when they were in
there because they were already unwell and in a vulnerable mental state.
The staff thought the best thing to do was to acute tranqulise him. This
is when nurses pin down a patient and force them into unconsciousness
using an injection of the antipsychotic haliperidol directly into their
blood system using a thick needle.. It's the most humuliating and
dehumanising NHS practice.

At the time he clearly wasn't in a state to be sedated. He managed to
overcome the first injection. They stuck in the seclusion room and
injected him again, but he really wasn't in the mood to be sedated or
just put away. He felt aggrieved. I can't remember the situation but he
was justified.

The seclusion room is separated from the main nurses office by a thick
plate of hardened clear plastic. He managed to punch his way through it,
clamber into the nurses office and break out of the ward by kicking the
ward doors open and dashing for the exit to the hospital.

He was brought in later by the police. I assume they just followed the
trail of blood from his hands which he'd smashed up in his enraged
escape attempt. He was put in a secure ward after that.

He sounds pretty scary doesn't he? But he wasn't at all. He was a gentle
giant. He wouldn't rasie his fists in anger at anyone. He was religious
and a calm natured person.

The ward environment isn't the right place for anyone who's severely
unwell. It makes people more ill.

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We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"