On trying something different and love

Well. It worked. To a degree. I had a Subway sandwich and a McDonald's
burger last night.

Rather frustratingly though I drunkenly emailed someone and told them I
still loved them. Doh!

It brings me to a nice place to consider love. I used to be unafraid of
falling in love but my heart's been hurt too much to let it happen
again. I used to be able to fall in love and not show it. I used to be
able to fall in love, enjoy the emotions and let that love emotion fade.
There are many women where I've felt the love and felt it fall but had a
relationship where a different love blossomed.

Love is one of those words that means so many things to everyone but it
is a single word we all commonly use or avoid using. Some people may
consider the love I describe as emotional love in the early stages of a
relationship to be infatuation rather than love; I don't fall in this
sort of love for physical attraction alone. The Roman's broke it down
quite well: eros, philos, agape and...the other one. Sexual desire or
physical/spiritual/emotional attraction' brotherly love; love of things
or objects or perhaps concepts; the other one. The Romans used these
words commonly to cover the concepts we lump together in the word love.
It reminds me of the Eskimos and the word snow.

What's significant is the fear of the use of the word love. I used to
tell a girl I loved her when I did. Most women found it intense but knew
my character. Others found it too intense to know. I'd be ok with
telling a person and not receiving reciprocation. I got over the pain
of unrequited love a long time ago. For many the pain of unrequited love
is the most painful of all pains which is why they avoid feelings of
love or openness about it.

There's also the problem of emotional and physical ownership. This is
one of society's malformations. The heteronormative construct is
monogamy. From my discussions with people who buy into this concept this
includes more than physical shenanigans. It's about emotional and other
ways people connect too. Two people in a standard relationship own each
other as possession not to be shared with anyone else. Sex outside
marriage is considered sinful by many. Love is perceived to be something
only experienced (in the relationship sense) with one person.

I'm a total hippie when it comes to this. Free love, baby. Desire and
connection with another are fettered by monogamous, heteronormative
constructs. People are less happy.

I am lucky though. I have no worries about jealousy. I've had few
relationships in my life and I've never worried about if my partner was
emotionally or physically unfaithful. It started of as trust, i.e. I
trust my partner so much that even though she spent lots of time with
other men and was very popular and flirted with them I had no worries
that she loved anyone else but me. Later on in my life it was simply
accepting that people are human and if they want to sleep with someone
else or find emotional support or a spiritual connection or whatever
that they couldn't find me with me that's cool.

I don't own anyone. I'm not owned by anyone. I'm free to love and be
loved. I free to seek love and experience it wherever it happens. I have
the fullness of opportunity, but live in a world where unfettered hearts
are considered abnormal.