Well...poor appettite anyway.
I had 2 months of high productivity. In the time the stuff I wrote may have been ambitious. I don't think this is a fair judgement but I accept I may at times lack insight about a lot of things. I am a bit arrogant and energetic at the moment. I'm making quick decisions on certain things.
I'm anxious about it because it is hard to assess whether this is normal or slightly manic.
However I'm also starving and drinking and smoking cannabis. The drinking and smoking help the eating but they're not working well right now. It may be a defence mechanism kicking in, I.e. I'm slowed down by the lack of nutrition. I manage to eat 2 or 3 good meals a week right now. Maybe 4 is total. This isn't enough and I'm very tired. I can feel my brain and performance are getting a little erratic so I'm trying to do less.
The bulk of my energy comes from sugary tea and alcohol. I've not planned anything this weekend apart from eating as my priority for Saturday.
Self managing is hard. My stomach is in a knot while I'm drinking wine out here in trent country park. I know it will get better. It just takes a little time. It usually does.
I think I'm still on the safe side of functional. There is enough nutrition to keep my going and perhaps it is arresting my brain from shifting too easily into a manic phase.
Those are catastrophic when they are uncontrolled. It is a maelstrom that has destroyed my life before. My anxiety is with evidence so I have to keep managing with caution.
I barely had enough energy to make it here but I've bought some food as well and hopefully I will eat it when I get back home in a few hours.
Sent from my smartphone
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