I can't be arsed to talk about what's been happening to me

Life has been so bad. On the distress continuum....well I think I've
gone off the scale. They talk about downward spirals and
stuff....well...fuck....my life has been a downard spiral for too long.
I'm tired. Burnout. Boring. Lonely. Unhappy. Tearful or angry about
certain subjects, things which I should have got over a long time ago.
But I have my ways to gt through. Medication and escape. Work and work.

I admitted myself to a psych ward a couple of days ago. I just couldn't
cope. I only stayed one night and slept in reception. I spoke to a
pastor in the end and that helped. Then I was triggered into a rage and
left. The dickheads always want me to follow the 12 steps. They don't
understand people's drinking habits and they don't understand mine. They
make judgements and don't give a flying fuck about cause.

How do people become? The question psychiatric science hasn't even begun
to explore much. Thankfully too.

The hardest question: am I mentally ill? For a few years I've been
puzzling what mental illness is and its driven me crazy. I still don't
know what mental illness is but I probably know enough to be uncertain.