Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Being used to irrationality

I am crazy in the sense of being irrational. I make choices no one else
would make without reason or logic. It's a totally mad life for anyone
else but for me it's just life.

Here's an example. I've had an email telling me I haven't or have got an
interview for a job. I've planned for failure, i.e. I've planned around
not getting the interview. I avoided reading it yesterday and I still
can't look at it now. I'm anxious but I'm also comfortable in my
irrational reaction to the anxiety, irrational in the sense that I've
planned for the negative outcome so it should be easier when it comes to
confirming reality and in the stupid logic of pessimism I've got
something to gain if I'm wrong. It's not quite true of course. There's
going to be negatives if I get the interview. I'm just not thinking
about those.

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About Me

We It comes in part from an appreciation that no one can truly sign their own work. Everything is many influences coming together to the one moment where a work exists. The other is a begrudging acceptance that my work was never my own. There is another consciousness or non-corporeal entity that helps and harms me in everything I do. I am not I because of this force or entity. I am "we"