Fuck

They'd call my suffering an illness. It's bizarre. They'd call beavhiour, personality and choice an illness. It's mad.

An illness has a biological component and a prognosis of negative outcomes. For real illnesses this is well studied.

Skin colour also has a negative prognosis and a biological component. My skin could be seen as an imbalance of pigment. The results of discrimination and subjugation could be used to define a negative prognosis. At least in a time and place where people with low melanin levels were dominant and discrimination of non-whites existed.

My skin colour is not an illness. It could be consider as such using the paradigm of medicine.

There are other ideas which are used to define mental illness but do not define mental illness. These include a disability or difference in a person's mind. It is not about illness because it disregards the etire biomedical concept and places this subjective judgement on what a normal mind is.

A person who has no emotions isn't normal. But they're not really a mental illness either. A person with many emotions, apparently, isn't normal and is mentally ill. This I do and don't understand.

Emotional people used to be considered weak. Society was constructed for people with no souls who felt no pain.

God. I can't even be fucking arse to finish this off. I'm starving, poor and unhappy.

All this theory doesn't matter. A person who asks for help shouldn't be refused help. I'm not a person who uses mental health services usually. I came out of desperation. A mental health professional denied me help because she didn't like my lifestyle. She thought it was making me the way I am and I guess she didn't like who I was.

That's it ultimately. Her judgement is what the mental health system is all about. People don't like me. Society doesn't accept me. The reason is because of who and what I am. She wouldn't allow me help unless I did what I was told and change my lifestyle. She didn't care at all that i'd come for help because I was suicidal and for the first time in a long time I didn't want to take my life.

I miust have clearly been mentally ill at that stage. The sort of dysfunction of my mind where I want to live through another minute of this shit of a life is clearly a mental illness. There are many who have this insane dysfunction that life is worth living. Good luck to them.