400mm lens I broke, a 50mm f1.8 that broke by itself and a broekn down me.
I've lost my mad pride. And I have a huge new gash on my arm and lots of
blood to clean up. I barely eat and I eat more than I want to. I don't
want to tace life anymore but I can't sleep anymore. I've slept all
through yesterday and I wish I could sleep today. Instead I just keep
reading. And living.
God or my non-corporeal entity that controls my life is destroying my
life just as quickly as I am destroying myself.
I so want to let go. I want to sleep forever. I never want to have existed.
I'm ready for medication. It's a cleaner way to kill me. Kill the man,
the personality, the identity, the heart and the soul. The body will
live on as an automoton.
They might call this "depression" or use other medical words.
Misery. I don't need a doctor to tell me it's misery.
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