apologise so many times I wonder if it's just easier to start the
relationship knowing that it's going to end in me having to apologise
for the problems mental illness causes.
This certainty of having to apologise is a certainty based on a lifetime
of losing friends. I could probably write a book on that.
Before starting any friendship I just hand over a sorry card saying
I'm sorry you met me. Don't be my friend. I'm mentally ill and at some
point I'll do something that will ruin our friendship.
I'm sorry for what I will say. I'm sorry for what I will do. I'm sorry
for putting you through anything bad. It was never my intention when I
start the friendship but I should know now that this is how all my
friendships end.
I don't mean to do it but it doesn't matter. Mental illness is no
excuse. I'm sorry.
Take this moment now to consider seriously if you want that sort of
person in your life, the sort of person who's going to ruin the
friendship at some point when the madness or the sadness takes me.
If you accept this card then you are a fool and I'm sorry to point that
out too.
Whatever I do to ruin our friendship in the future when I'm next unwell
I'm really sorry for.
--
I've always wondered what my last breath would be. I suspect it will be
"sorry".
I'm sorry I was ever born.
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